When a loved one experiences mental health and/or substance challenges, the natural instinct for many of us is to offer unlimited support. However, without proper boundaries, this well-intentioned approach can lead to burnout, strained relationships, and even encourage unhealthy patterns. At APOD Family Support, we've seen countless families struggle with this delicate balance.

Understanding the Importance of Boundaries

Boundaries are not walls that separate us from our loved ones—they're guidelines that define where our responsibilities end and theirs begin. For families supporting someone with mental health challenges and/or substance issues, boundaries serve several crucial purposes:

• They protect your own mental and emotional well-being
• They clarify expectations for all involved
• They prevent behaviours that might inadvertently worsen the situation
• They model healthy relationship dynamics

As one APOD support group member shared, "I spent years thinking that having no boundaries was the same as showing love. It took me reaching complete exhaustion to realise that I wasn't actually helping anyone—least of all myself."

Signs You May Need Stronger Boundaries

You might benefit from establishing clearer boundaries if you:

• Feel constantly drained or overwhelmed by your loved one's needs
• Find yourself neglecting your own health, work, or other relationships
• Experience resentment, despite wanting to help
• Notice your loved one becoming increasingly dependent on you
• Make excuses for problematic behaviour

How to Create Effective Boundaries

1. Start with Self-Reflection

Before communicating boundaries to your loved one, take time to identify what feels sustainable for you. Consider:

• What specific behaviours or situations leave you feeling depleted?
• What are your emotional, physical, and time limitations?
• Which responsibilities rightfully belong to your loved one, even with their mental health challenges?

2. Use Clear, Compassionate Communication

When expressing boundaries:

• Choose a calm moment to have the conversation
• Use "I" statements rather than accusations
• Be specific about what you can and cannot do
• Express care while being firm about your limits
• Explain how the boundaries benefit both of you

For example: "I care deeply about your wellbeing, which is why I need to be honest. I can drive you to therapy appointments twice a month, but I won't be able to attend every session with you. This will give you space to build your own relationship with your therapist, and it will allow me to maintain my work commitments."

3. Expect Resistance—and Hold Firm

Initial pushback is normal when establishing new boundaries. Your loved one may feel abandoned, angry, or attempt to make you feel guilty. Remember that these reactions often stem from fear of change rather than a desire to harm you.

Responding with empathy while maintaining your boundary is key: "I understand this feels difficult right now, and I'm not going anywhere. But for me to continue being supportive in the long term, these boundaries are necessary."

4. Connect With Support Resources

Establishing boundaries becomes easier when your loved one has access to appropriate professional support. Work with them to:

• Connect with mental health and AOD services in Victoria
• Explore peer support groups
• Consider telehealth options for greater accessibility
• Identify crisis services they can contact when you're unavailable

What Healthy Boundaries Look Like in Practice

• Carving out time for your own self-care activities without feeling guilty
• Being willing to listen, but not taking responsibility for solving every problem
• Setting limits on financial assistance that might increase unhealthy behaviours
• Distinguishing between emergencies and non-urgent situations
• Having designated "off-duty" times when you're not available

Supporting Without Overstepping

Remember that true support empowers your loved one to develop their own coping strategies and independence. By maintaining healthy boundaries, you're not abandoning them—you're creating a sustainable relationship that honours both their needs and yours.

As we often discuss in our APOD support groups, learning to step back doesn't mean you care less. Often, it means you're caring more effectively.

If you're struggling with establishing or maintaining boundaries, we invite you to join one of our fortnightly support groups or call our confidential support line at 0412 382 812 or 0413710238. Speaking with others who understand your situation can provide invaluable perspective and encouragement.

Remember, creating boundaries isn't about creating distance—it's about creating a healthier relationship that can withstand the challenges of supporting someone with mental health and or substance issues over the long term.