When someone you love is struggling with mental health challenges or substance use issues, it's natural to place their needs above your own. At APOD Family Support, we frequently hear from family members who have neglected their own wellbeing in the process of caring for others. However, as the airline safety demonstration wisely instructs: "Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others."
The Hidden Cost of Neglecting Self-Care
Supporting a loved one through mental health or substance use challenges can be emotionally and physically taxing. Without adequate self-care:
- Your own mental health may deteriorate
- Physical symptoms like fatigue, headaches, and disrupted sleep can emerge
- Your ability to provide effective support diminishes
- Resentment may build, despite your best intentions
- Other important relationships in your life might suffer
As one APOD support group participant reflected, "I was so focused on my son's recovery that I didn't notice I was becoming unwell myself. When I finally collapsed from exhaustion, I realised I couldn't help him if I was broken too."
Recognising the Signs of Carer Fatigue
You might be experiencing carer fatigue if you:
- Feel constantly exhausted, regardless of how much you sleep
- Experience persistent anxiety or low mood
- Find yourself becoming irritable or impatient more frequently
- Have difficulty concentrating or making decisions
- Begin withdrawing from activities or people you once enjoyed
- Notice physical symptoms like headaches or digestive issues
Why Self-Care Isn't Selfish
Many family members and supporters express guilt about taking time for themselves. However, self-care isn't selfish—it's necessary. Here's why:
- Sustainability: Supporting someone through mental health challenges is often a marathon, not a sprint. Self-care ensures you have the stamina for the journey.
- Modelling: By demonstrating healthy boundaries and self-care, you show your loved one what balanced wellbeing looks like.
- Effectiveness: When you're well-rested and emotionally balanced, you make better decisions and provide more thoughtful support.
- Prevention: Taking care of yourself helps prevent the development of your own mental health issues.
Practical Self-Care Strategies for Carers
1. Physical Wellbeing
- Prioritise adequate sleep (7-9 hours for most adults)
- Maintain regular mealtimes and nutritious food choices
- Incorporate movement that you enjoy, even if it's just a 10-minute walk
- Attend your own medical appointments regularly
2. Emotional Wellbeing
- Join a support group like those offered by APOD Family Support
- Consider individual counselling or therapy
- Practice mindfulness or meditation to process difficult emotions
- Keep a journal to express thoughts and feelings privately
3. Social Connection
- Maintain relationships outside of your caring role
- Be honest with trusted friends about your challenges
- Accept offers of help from your support network
- Consider connecting with other carers who understand your experience
4. Creating Boundaries
- Identify what you can realistically offer in terms of support
- Communicate these boundaries clearly and compassionately
- Recognise that saying "no" sometimes is necessary for sustainability
- Distinguish between emergencies and non-urgent matters
Building Self-Care Into Your Routine
The most effective self-care is consistent and preventative, rather than reactive. Consider:
- Scheduling small breaks throughout your day
- Identifying one non-negotiable self-care activity each day
- Creating a weekly self-care plan
- Setting reminders on your phone if self-care tends to slip your mind
One supporter shared their approach: "Every morning, I take 15 minutes with my coffee before anyone else is awake. It's a small thing, but it helps me centre myself for whatever the day might bring."
When Self-Care Feels Impossible
There may be periods when finding time for self-care seems unattainable. During these times:
- Focus on micro-moments of self-care (three deep breaths, stepping outside briefly)
- Reach out to APOD's support line at 0412 382 812
- Consider respite options or additional support services
- Remember that asking for help is itself an act of self-care
Self-Care as an Act of Love
By maintaining your own wellbeing, you're not taking away from the care you provide—you're ensuring its quality and longevity. As we often discuss in our support groups, self-care isn't separate from supporting your loved one; it's an essential component of providing sustainable, effective support.
If you're struggling to incorporate self-care into your life while supporting someone with mental health or substance use issues, we invite you to join one of our fortnightly support groups. Sharing experiences with others who understand can provide both practical strategies and the permission many carers need to prioritise their own wellbeing.
Remember, taking care of yourself isn't selfish—it's the foundation upon which all your other care rests.